Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
