Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
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