I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
We named our party play list daddy issues
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
