White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
