ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
