You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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