Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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