I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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