dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
