I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
