This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
