I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Dear god my vagina.
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