Non-Jews are for practice
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
