everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
i think im in europe. pls send help
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
