Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
