Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
