Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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