I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
