can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
