real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
So. Much. Porn.
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