Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
