a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
