I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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