forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
