I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
