what day is it and did you see me today?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
where does the pee come out of this thing
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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