i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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