i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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