It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
