Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
