My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Are my feet made of real feet?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
