me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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