(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
