and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
