I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
