The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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