Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Damn victory sex feels great
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
