3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
