what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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