the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
