two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
