1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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