you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
