Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
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