Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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