you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
