I heard we made out
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
