tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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