well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
