the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
